For You, I Would

Aside from my husband there is one man that I am pretty sure could make my world better. He would bring quiet, peace, harmony and joy. Sadly, it will never be because he is far too busy for me...trust me I have tried over and over again to get him to come see me. Nothing works.
Oh Cesar Millan, if life was only different...you would be here with me... helping me teach my pugs to listen, breaking MY bad habits, showing me how to keep them from peeing on my shoes, our couch and my husband's climbing gear. And that was just in one week. You would help me be more strict...keep them from making me their bitch, keep Dudley the black wonder pug from screaming...literally screaming at me if I don't feed him fast enough or take him outside fast enough or let him crawl onto my lap, he makes me feel like I am in an abusive relationship as I scramble around quickly doing his bidding, while I am begging him to stop shrieking. Gracie would stop licking the floor obsessively looking for any crumb, or every dust particle resembling food (trust me, she doesn't need any food at all…she looks like an egg roll with legs) that she can suck down. Hudson would quit running away from me and going into the neighbor's yard to pee on their Virgin Mary statue (Please forgive me for I have sinned, my pugs are monsters that I created).
Yes, I am aware that it is my fault...totally my fault. As I just mentioned they are the monsters I created. They have been kicked out of obedience school a few times for various reasons, reasons that are horrifying but I will share. At 10 lbs, Gracie was humping someone's Rottweiler and refused to stop...if I sat away from them she would howl. I didn't know pugs could howl. :( Dudley marked one instructor and Hudson is just...well he is my very special pug full of very special quirks. It is just painful to keep listing all the reasons we were asked not to come back from different places. Sigh.
The thing is this; they are so cute and loving. I am simply crazy about them and love them to pieces…no matter how bad they are, they look at me with their sweet little squished faces and I melt. I give up. I let Dudley crawl into my lap so he can stop screaming, I give Gracie another treat and I forgive Hudson’s trips into blasphemy and make mental notes to watch for when the neighbors leave next so I can go hose off their Virgin Mary.
Am I without hope? Maybe. Sigh.
I need you Cesar…

love, Romy "Hopeless in Walla Walla"