I'm mildly neurotic. Okay, not mildly. I need everything a certain way or I can't stop obsessing over it. Oh, obsessing. Another thing I do. I can't help it. Once I get an idea in my head I am just 100% dedicated. I jump right in and it becomes life or death. Wait, I was talking about how neurotic I am. I like things just so. I will lay in bed and worry about the most random things that I didn't do that day. Big things. Little things. Doesn't matter. When I wake up in the morning the first thing I do is go around the house and look for things out of order and fix them. I already know what they are though bc when I went to bed the night before I was aware of them.
I need a switch off button for my brain.
Isn't it amazing how every single day we have an opportunity to be a better version of ourselves? Like maybe tomorrow I will wake up and will no longer tuck my hair behind my ears when I am nervous. Or maybe I won't have a slight lisp on words that begin with S. Oooo, maybe I will finally make the perfect pancakes, which for some annoying reason totally eludes me.
I could finally sign up for some art classes that I have wanted to take for a long time. Maybe I can learn how to say I love you in 10 different languages. Why 10? Why not?
Or you know, I could schedule a visit to see my family. Maybe call my father's family and tell them I am thinking about them. I could call my best friend and catch up with her.
I will try not to pull my sweater sleeves over my hands when I become nervous or tap my fingertips lightly against my head when I am thinking or making a decision about something serious.
Maybe I will dedicate my entire day to my husband and letting him know how much I love him. He should know already though since I spent most of today serenading him with ridiculous songs. It wasn't pretty but I am sure it is the thought that counts. Oh, I can sign up for singing lessons!
Or maybe I will fix some wrongs. Yeah. I can fix some wrongs.
Really though, what I want to do...what I should do is just be thankful for 2011 and while I had really low lows, I had beautiful highs. I laughed so much. I loved and was loved. Adored really. I lost some friends but I learned who my real friends were. I fell in love over and over again with the most wonderful man. I grew closer to my family. I reconnected with beloved friends. I was told that my life span was going to be 35-55% shorter than people without some of my health issues and I made peace with it but only because I refuse to believe it. I lost my birth father but I learned that I am capable of unconditional love and that real love lasts - death be damned. I made a lot of mistakes but I learned from them. I paid the price for them. I took easy roads and really, really tough roads. I did a lot this year. I loved a lot this year. I learned the hard way that life is fleeting and to love good and often. I tried to do the right things, fix my wrongs. I am learning how to live with consequences of my actions. I am learning. I am.
2011 was a tough one, but well..I was tougher <3.
love, Romy
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