We're dealing in the limits

Sometimes do you just not care about being nice?  The last thing you feel like doing is pretending to actually care about how the barista's day is going.  You have zero desire to listen to a friend wax poetic about her husband/job/car/new boob job. You seriously could not care less that Justin Timberlake is finally engaged to that chick from 7th Heaven. You want to tell your college frenemy that no, you still think she is an ahole and yes, you still hold a grudge...add a PS to that and let her know that her crows feet make you happy.

Or maybe you wish you could write on FB about how effin rad it is that your ex bf/gf/friend is frumpy as hell and is married to an equally frumpy partner. Reach through your computer and smack around anyone who still thinks that LOLcats are humorous and POSTS them. Wish to high heaven that there was an unlike button...no wait, let's call it a side eye button, on Facebook. You know, side eye...when you can't believe someone actually said what they just did...give them the side eye. Add a sneer for an extra oomph.

Sigh. 

Okay, the truth is that none of this would make me feel better. Nope. I would actually feel horrible. Well, except for maybe the LOLcats thing only because that is a true pet peeve. Ha, petpeeve.

love, Romy

This I Swear.

A month or so ago, Troy bought me a necklace with a small charm that has one of my favorite quotes, "it takes courage to grow up and be who you really are" by ee cummings. I have not yet taken it off.

It seemed pretty fitting because for a while I forgot to be who I am. I have been beating myself up for it for a long while but you know, I realized in the last few days that I have had enough. I make mistakes, yes. A lot of them. I will continue to make mistakes too. You know what though? It's okay because I am learning and refuse to make the same mistakes twice.

I am worth more than my flaws. I am also warm, loving, loyal, thoughtful, funny, decent and a lot more.

I won't ever be a coward again when it comes to who I am. I won't ever forget to be who I am.

Promise.


love, Romy

Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be

Um hm...2012!

There are so many things I want to accomplish this year! I like the thought of a fresh new year to start over. Wipe the slate clean, all shiny and new. I won't call anything I want to do resolutions, because well - blah. The word even bothers me. How about .... goals? Okay, yes goals!

Here is a list of some of my goals! Ready?

1. Make three new vegetarian meals a week. Brand new ones that we have never tried before. 
2. Finally do it...order the supplies and make jewelry. I have always wanted to and this year I am finally going to do it.
3. Run a 10k with the husband. He recently started running and I think it would be something pretty awesome to do together. 
4. Look into joining an RA support group in town. If there isn't one...start one. Not a "woe is me" one, but one where we realize that we aren't victims but superheros. <3 
5. Find a job that I love to do. Something that makes me feel like I accomplished something and didn't just get up to go to work. I haven't felt like that since I worked as a counselor. Fix that. It's time.
6. Road trip with the BF, her husband and Troy. Brew pub crawl? YES PLEASE!
7. Wash my mouth out with soap. I don't mean stop cursing because well...I can't. I mean stop the negativity.
8. Try to really bring as much light into our lives as possible.
9. Donate more of my time. Spend more time doing things that feed souls. 
10. Visit family. All of them. 
11. Look into a mentoring program. I have been talking to Troy about it for ages...maybe it is time to finally do it.
12. Be who I am. 
13. More nights under the stars with my husband.
14. Salad with every single meal. 
15. Finally go to Honduras and lay flowers at BOTH my father's graves. (**this one means a lot to me**)
16. Beat Troy at Words With Friends. 
17. More dinner parties. Try out #1 on them. <3
18. Love. Love. Love.
19. Take a trip with my younger sister. She is absolutely one of my favorite people in the world and I need to spend more time with her. 
20. Paint the stairway leading to the basement. It's time.
21. Hear more. No, I don't mean listen...I mean HEAR what people are saying. Anyone can listen, I want to hear better. 
22. Dance more. I love to dance and lately I just haven't felt like doing much of it. 
23. Buy a bartending book and learn how to make amazinggg cocktails! 
24. Get my fortune read! I love that silly stuff! I don't know if I believe in it but I love it.
25. Get up and exercise even when my body/joints scream at me to sit down and feel sorry for myself.
26. Sketch. I love to do it, I just haven't felt the desire in so long. 
27. Be more patient. I have zero patience when it comes to certain things and as I get older I realize more and more that I need to truly work on that. 
28. Blog more. 
29. Forgive and forget. Let go of things that trouble me, people that hurt me. Loving someone sometimes is just not enough. 
30. Love because I do, not because I should. 

Whew, it is going to be a busy year.

love, Romy

A helping hand or a kiss goodbye, to ease it on its way

I'm mildly neurotic. Okay, not mildly. I need everything a certain way or I can't stop obsessing over it. Oh, obsessing. Another thing I do. I can't help it. Once I get an idea in my head I am just 100% dedicated. I jump right in and it becomes life or death. Wait, I was talking about how neurotic I am. I like things just so. I will lay in bed and worry about the most random things that I didn't do that day. Big things. Little things. Doesn't matter. When I wake up in the morning the first thing I do is go around the house and look for things out of order and fix them. I already know what they are though bc when I went to bed the night before I was aware of them.

I need a switch off button for my brain.

Isn't it amazing how every single day we have an opportunity to be a better version of ourselves? Like maybe tomorrow I will wake up and will no longer tuck my hair behind my ears when I am nervous. Or maybe I won't have a slight lisp on words that begin with S. Oooo, maybe I will finally make the perfect pancakes, which for some annoying reason totally eludes me.

I could finally sign up for some art classes that I have wanted to take for a long time. Maybe I can learn how to say I love you in 10 different languages. Why 10? Why not?

Or you know, I could schedule a visit to see my family. Maybe call my father's family and tell them I am thinking about them. I could call my best friend and catch up with her.

I will try not to pull my sweater sleeves over my hands when I become nervous or tap my fingertips lightly against my head when I am thinking or making a decision about something serious.

Maybe I will dedicate my entire day to my husband and letting him know how much I love him. He should know already though since I spent most of today serenading him with ridiculous songs. It wasn't pretty but I am sure it is the thought that counts. Oh, I can sign up for singing lessons!

Or maybe I will fix some wrongs. Yeah. I can fix some wrongs.

Really though, what I want to do...what I should do is just be thankful for 2011 and while I had really low lows, I had beautiful highs. I laughed so much. I loved and was loved. Adored really. I lost some friends but I learned who my real friends were. I fell in love over and over again with the most wonderful man. I grew closer to my family. I reconnected with beloved friends. I was told that my life span was going to be 35-55% shorter than people without some of my health issues and I made peace with it but only because I refuse to believe it. I lost my birth father but I learned that I am capable of unconditional love and that real love lasts - death be damned. I made a lot of mistakes but I learned from them. I paid the price for them. I took easy roads and really, really tough roads. I did a lot this year. I loved a lot this year. I learned the hard way that life is fleeting and to love good and often. I tried to do the right things, fix my wrongs. I am learning how to live with consequences of my actions. I am learning. I am.

2011 was a tough one, but well..I was tougher <3.

love, Romy

Work In Progress

love, Romy

Your First Christmas in Heaven

Merry Christmas, I pray you are looking down on me from heaven with a big, beautiful smile on your face. I love you.

I am having my first Christmas in Heaven
A glorious, wonderful day!
I am standing with saints of all ages,
Who found Christ, the truth and the way

I am singing with the heavenly choir
I- who so loved to sing!
And, oh what celestial music
We bring to our Savior and King

I am singing the glad song of redemption,
How Jesus to Bethlehem came,
And why they called His name Jesus,
That all may be saved through His Name!

Oh, loved one, I wish you could be here!
No Christmas on earth can compare,
With all of the rapture in glory,
I witness in Heaven so fair!

You know how I always loved Christmas,
It seemed such a wonderful day,
With all of my loved ones around me,
We were so happy in every way.

Yes, now I can see why I loved it,
And, oh what a joy it will be,
When all of my loved ones are with me,
To share all the glories I see!

So, dear ones on earth, I send greetings,
Look up! Til dawning appears,
And, oh what a Christmas awaits us,
Beyond all our partings and tears!

Anonymous

The Difference Is

Do you love the best you can? Fearlessly, without worries or concern for what it may do to your heart? With a childlike abandon that doesn't let you think about the possibility that one day you may ache?

Recklessly. Stupidly? Blindly?

Give your heart and do it without fear.

Me? Only way I know how to love. I love hard.

I never learn my lesson and I pray to God I never do.

love, Romy