Never Means Soon

I spend too much time trying not to think about it. I spend so much time trying not to think about it that I end up thinking about it even more. So I tell myself, "it isn't worth thinking about it, just stop!" I end up doubling the amount of time I think about it by trying not to think about it.

Hopeless. Just like it.




You'll never see the courage I know
Its colors' richness won't appear within your view
I'll never glow - the way that you glow
Your presence dominates the judgements made on you

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch; I see from greater heights
I understand what I am still too proud to mention - to you

You'll say you understand, but You don't understand
You'll say you'd never give up seeing eye to eye
But never is a promise, and you can't afford to lie

You'll never touch - these things that I hold
The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own
You'll never feel the heat of this soul
My fever burns me deeper than I've ever shown - to you

You'll say, Don't fear your dreams, it's easier than it seems
You'll say you'd never let me fall from hopes so high
But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie

You'll never live the life that I live
I'll never live the life that wakes me in the night
You'll never hear the message I give
You'll say it looks as though I might give up this fight

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights
I realize what I am now too smart to mention - to you

You'll say you understand, you'll never understand
I'll say I'll never wake up knowing how or why
I don't know what to believe in, you don't know who I am
You'll say I need appeasing when I start to cry
But never is a promise and I'll never need a lie


love, Romy

Feels So Rough

When you realize that someone you loved has become someone you used to know...

You learn to cope, you make changes to your life. You no longer go to them for support, friendship, advice, love or whatever it was that they were adding to your every day. You move on. Eventually over time it becomes a distant memory. You start to forget what it was like when they were there. When they were the person you went to for ^^ that stuff up there.

How long does it take? A month? Four months? Is there a formula on how to forget someone who you shared a part of yourself with? Nope. Not so much.

So you move on. Stop yourself from reaching for them. Tell yourself that you will be fine, just fine. Right? Right.

After all, life happens.




love,
Romy

Um hm.

I have been accused of being a dreamer my entire life. I usually take it as a compliment, because even if I choose the hard road, I typically end up at my destination. Insanity or tenacity? Who knows but it works for me.

                                                                                 

If I could focus on one thing at one time instead of juggling a billion ideas at the same time, life would be so much easier. So much. Maybe not as fun though.

love, Romy

Ticket To Ride

I have been so bad about blogging!! I think about it, I start to open it up but well...it just doesn't happen!

I have so much going on right now with training for a few races this year, a few projects that I have put off for far too long and well - I have been obsessive about our eating habits. I mean obsessive. I have been juicing every single day and I actually did a juice fast for a short time, and while it was challenging (to say the least) it was totally totally worth it. I am thinking of doing one 10 day juice fast a month, but who knows! I will see how it goes.

Troy has been a very good sport about my food/fitness insanity, thank GOD , but that isn't to say he doesn't have moments of sadness when he realizes I will never cook meat again. Wait until he sees what I have up my sleeve starting next month!

I am not sure if it is because spring is in the air or just because lately I feel like I have not had any real stress/drama or anything like that BUT I have just been in such a fantastic mood! Maybe it is the hard core workouts?! It could very well be that I am married to a wonderful man who shows me so so much love and support. Who knows but I feel better than I have in ages.

xo - Romy

Scout

Wouldn't it be fantastic if you could extract yourself, words you said, things you did...parts of you that you shared, from someone that you no longer found worth you? You know, kind of delve into their memories and pull out any parts or pieces of yourself that you may have left behind. 

Hmm. Or is it better to let them have it...and know that you are still whole even without those parts you shared and better yet... that they will never get another piece of you?

Who knows. 

Crazy thoughts on a night I can't sleep. 

love, Romy

We're dealing in the limits

Sometimes do you just not care about being nice?  The last thing you feel like doing is pretending to actually care about how the barista's day is going.  You have zero desire to listen to a friend wax poetic about her husband/job/car/new boob job. You seriously could not care less that Justin Timberlake is finally engaged to that chick from 7th Heaven. You want to tell your college frenemy that no, you still think she is an ahole and yes, you still hold a grudge...add a PS to that and let her know that her crows feet make you happy.

Or maybe you wish you could write on FB about how effin rad it is that your ex bf/gf/friend is frumpy as hell and is married to an equally frumpy partner. Reach through your computer and smack around anyone who still thinks that LOLcats are humorous and POSTS them. Wish to high heaven that there was an unlike button...no wait, let's call it a side eye button, on Facebook. You know, side eye...when you can't believe someone actually said what they just did...give them the side eye. Add a sneer for an extra oomph.

Sigh. 

Okay, the truth is that none of this would make me feel better. Nope. I would actually feel horrible. Well, except for maybe the LOLcats thing only because that is a true pet peeve. Ha, petpeeve.

love, Romy

This I Swear.

A month or so ago, Troy bought me a necklace with a small charm that has one of my favorite quotes, "it takes courage to grow up and be who you really are" by ee cummings. I have not yet taken it off.

It seemed pretty fitting because for a while I forgot to be who I am. I have been beating myself up for it for a long while but you know, I realized in the last few days that I have had enough. I make mistakes, yes. A lot of them. I will continue to make mistakes too. You know what though? It's okay because I am learning and refuse to make the same mistakes twice.

I am worth more than my flaws. I am also warm, loving, loyal, thoughtful, funny, decent and a lot more.

I won't ever be a coward again when it comes to who I am. I won't ever forget to be who I am.

Promise.


love, Romy