-Eskimo Saying
Don't be like me. Don't spend years on ridiculous grudges and things you cannot change when you could spend that time loving someone freely and the way you BOTH deserve. Don't not answer your cell phone when you know it is someone you love but might be too busy, caught up in your life or any of the other stupid excuses we use to shut others out. I am so ashamed of every single time I didn't take his calls. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself.
My birth father has been in heaven for one year, today. The ache in my heart doesn't cease to remind me on a daily basis that he is gone. It is a tragedy on the highest level that I never called him dad or that I robbed him of getting to know me as a happy adult. I miss him every day. I miss his huge smile that is a mirror of mine. I miss his laughter that was loud and obnoxious...much like mine. I miss his wicked sense of humor that I also inherited along with his lack of filter that gets me in trouble every so often and I am sure did the same for him. I miss picking up the phone and hearing him say before he even said hello, "I love you so much my pretty girl". He called me honey dew and pretty. I rarely remember him calling me by my first name. He would end each call not by saying I love you, but "I love you so much, so very much".
He died on a plane. Alone. Nothing in my life can change that. I carry the pain every single day like a cloak.
Don't be like me. Don't sit in your house destroyed a year after losing a loved one and pray that even though you refused to talk to them for years...that they knew you loved them. It isn't enough.
Call. Write. Fly, run, drive to them. Grab their beautiful face in your hands and tell them that you adore them. DO not leave it up to that bullshit of "they just know how I feel" because it isn't enough. Not then. Not now. Not a year after their death.
love,
My father's daughter
